First week as an intern at OIDEL

It has been a little over a week and a half that I've been with OIDEL and so far am I really enjoying myself. The working environment is great and the people there are extremely nice.

My first "real" assignment was to translate a 7 page informational paper from French to English. Now, this may sound quite easy but the problem that I had was that I had no clue what most of it meant. I wasn't exposed to any official documents related to rights and even more educational rights. 
It turned out pretty well and my boss was happy of my work.
My second assignment was to translate another 7 page paper from French to English to and it went even better than the first one. It was then published to the official web page where anyone could access to it. I felt quite proud of my work. 
The third assignment that I received this week was to make a summary of a 20 page paper regarding the yearly convention the U.N. has regarding civil rights. I had to explain what was gonna happen and include the involvement of our organization explaining well our intentions and goals.
This as well was published on OIDEL's site.

Fortunately I didn't just stay in an office translating reports. I was able to attend at a convention where several NGOs (non-governmental organization) met up and talked about what they were doing prior to the U.N. convention. The meeting was kind of boring but at the end of the meeting I was rewarded with compliments from an NGO who was the receiver of the first translation that I made. He was very happy of my work and said that I did an excellent job. This made me really happy and I actually felt that my work was worth something. 

I was also able to attend to a seminar regarding the usage of social media, especially with Twitter. I was amazed on how good the room looked. I felt like I was in a movie! 

This seminar was featured by Matthias Lüfkens, a social media expert and author of Twiplomacy, serving with Burson-Marsteller and the World Economic Forum. I was able to talk to him after the meeting and ask him a few questions that I had.

Finally, I was taken around Geneva to visit different locations that would be useful to me during the month of my internship. As we went around we went to another organization's building to hand in some paperwork. The organization is called ADF International, and the office was really nice. Again, I felt like I was in a movie. We me with Rubén Navarro, a Human Rights Lawyer-Director of UN Advocacy for NGO. 

ADF International is present at the United Nations to serve and assist member states that are working tirelessly for the protection of religious freedom, sanctity of life, and marriage and family throughout the world. 

Their organization touched me, the passion and motivation of Rubén Navarro is incredible and inspiring. I have seen people work for these rights, but not to an international level. Their fearlessness to talk about this subject around the world is incredible and encouraging. 

To sum up my first week as an intern at OIDEL, I'd say that I'm ecstatically happy to be part part of this movement, to be able to meet new people whom can make huge differences in people's lives, but most importantly, to feel like I can make a difference. 

Beginning at OIDEL

OIDEL is a non-profitable organization, who's goal is to promote the right to education.

On my first day I literally didn't do anything. They gave me many things to read about the organization and know about their history, beliefs, and goals. On the long run it wasn't too bad, I got to learn more about the organization and I feel more ready to face this new adventure.

Since our organization is focused on human rights we are really tight with the U.N. I'm really looking forward being able to attend at the meetings and being able to step in rooms where not many people are allowed.

Next week I'll be given a really nice filming camera where I'll be able to film around a University that is extremely involved with the U.N. and we will support them by advertising it. I will bring my Camera as well in case it could help me making the video better or even increase my photography portfolio. I bet I could make a small side project and see where it goes.

My True Friend

What is a true friend? I've alway had trouble figuring that out. After all the people that I've encountered in my life I still haven't managed to meet someone where I can truly trust and genuinely be myself. Many times I thought I found someone whom was someone I could trust but then it would turn out that they were fake friends and that I was either getting used or they just lose interest in me. Why? Does a friendship have to be something where someone has to offer something else to the other person? An example of this is when I'd have "friends" inside a community; perhaps in a sport team. I was able to find great teammates where we had great chemistry between us but we never talked outside of practice. I feel like people enjoyed my actions more than who I really am. They enjoyed playing soccer but when it would come to hang out and do something else they would always seem too "busy". There would be a friend group inside a premed group. Why? Why do people exclude others? 

In six years here in the States I thought I found my best friend. My family and I even took him on vacation with us but I never saw the favor done in return...Now you might say that his family might not be able to afford it which is a faire point. What about when I'd be there for him in need of help? I would always be there for him but whenever I needed him most, he never bothered answering me back. I'd have to deal with things by myself. Why? 

In high school I was able to make a friend group where we were all close to each other and treated each other like brothers. Everything changed after we would talk about each other badly behind their backs and one day things went downhill. We ended up splitting up and I haven't told the the person whom I was closes to back at the time. We recently started to get back together but we are all busy now that we are out of high school. One is in college, one is in the military and one is working. We all started to have different lives. There was only one person that stuck by my side through all of this. Unfortunately he ended up getting on probation for something he didn't do. He was at the wrong place at the wrong time. This made things even harder. My parents forbid me to see him ever again, they said that he was no good and that his life didn't see to go anywhere. I obeyed and for the year when he was on probation I didn't see him.

Once he was done with his probation I still wasn't allowed to see him and I hated that. He was the only friend that remained with me and I was the one to abandon him. I felt guilty and started to see him again behind my parent's backs. I had to lie to them and tell them that I was hanging out with someone else so they'd let me go out and I'd be able to see my friend for a few hours. 

He knew that I wasn't allowed to see him and I know that he suffered because of it. 

I believe that during the time we didn't see each other, he started to figure his life up and started off with losing 100 pounds. He lost that weight in one year. After seeing him I was impressed. I could tell that he made different kind of friendships and that is now heading toward the right direction. 

After I told him that I wasn't supposed to see him again, he always told that he wanted to talk to my parents and tell them that he is now a new person. I was scared, didn't know what my parents would of said and done so I kept telling him that I would see what I could do when in reality I was just trying to void that from happening. 

Now that I am moving back to Europe, I want to spend my last days with my best friend. I didn't want to hide it anymore and I wanted to show my parents that I was proud to be his friend and that he has been a true friend to me. 

Since he has always been asking me to let him speak with my parents I decided to promise him that I would actually take it into consideration and that I would talk about it with my parents. 

Today was the day, I opened my heart and decided to put my friend before my parent's requirements. I first told my mom and explained her everything. It was tough to tell her everything but she finally understood. With my dad it was hard for him to accept the fact that I lied to them many times about who I was hanging out with but after talking and explaining he understood as well. 

I am glad that I took this decision and decided to stand up for my friend. He would of done the same. I am glad now that I can freely spend the rest of the days with my best friend with no regret and no need to hide. I know it will lift a huge weight from his shoulders and he deserves it.

He is the only person who understand me perfectly. He is the only friend whom I personally trust. He is the most loyal person that I've met and I know he will not give up on our friendship when I got back to Europe. 

Thank you for being my only true friend. 

Society

Today I went to my doctor's to see what the results of a test I took. The scores were high and she believes that I did on purpose to score high so I'd get more attention from my parents or other people. I felt a little offended. I do not like getting attention. I have enough attention at home where my parents constantly are on the lookout for me. I tried to be as honest as possible with the test so I can understand myself better. If I wanted attention I probably would of done something more radical and obvious.

The reason why people are confused with what's going on in my head is because I find it really hard to express my feelings and emotions with other people. From the beginning I was teased as a little kid and often put to the side. I thought I had friends when in reality I had none. I felt betrayed. When I stated to understand what was going on I have always told myself to not trust anyone. I'm starting now to trust my parents more and more. I guess because I felt like they didn't love me so why should I trust them? Now I know the immense love they have had for me and still have it today. Their love is endless. I don't speak of my suffering because I'm afraid of hurting them and making them feel like failed parents.

I understood the concept of fake people and people using someone for their own benefits at a really young age which made me angry and scared in the inside. What's the point of having a friend if he or she will end up using you and leave you rot? This is what I hate about society. People only care for themselves. No matter what many people will not forgive you for what you did in the past. They will always hold it against you. Some people forget that we are humans and deserve sympathy and understand. So why open youself to someone else when you know that eventually they will either use you or back stab you at the least expect moment?

This sensation have made me feel numb for years. I started to lose hope and couldn't find many reasons to live.

I've been able to mask myself behind the mask of a happy kid who lives his life like a normal one. But in reality I'm just a broken person who's trying to find hope.

There are some days where I'll be quite happy and seem to know where I'm going. But when I'm alone, I reflect and feel like I'm just wasting my time. I know there is something after death or else life would be meaningless but what is it? Wh are we the only one that supposedly get to have the experience an afterlife? What about all the other living things? Animals? Plant?

Today I was asked what my fears were. To be honest, I stated to not feel feer anymore. I was afraid of dying back then, but I've come to a realization that in one way or another we will die eventually. So why not accept the reality. I've been able to control my fears, to now making them as a normal thing to where it wouldn't surprise me anymore. I don't have objective fears, like spiders, hights, darkness, fire and many other things. When I have bad dreams, I don't wake up. Subconscious I know it's not reality and that its just something made up by my mind. So why not explore it? Why not keep dreaming and knowing more about it.

The only real fear that I have is not having a purpose. It gives me a sense of helplessness and brings me down as the days go by.

Going back to what I was saying about tying to get attention or call out for help, that's not me. This is why I meet with my doctor. To see what is the problem. I'm already asking for help. Why should I be asking for some more? I am open to whatever I have to hear about myself. I am comfortable and willing to listen and change. But I want to see progress.

Going always from my old college was already a good step to healing but what now? My emotions and feelings haven't changed. They changed form but the roots are still the same one. Feeling alone, and useless.

Sometimes I will go through a day where I am in a good mood but then all of the sudden, numbness comes in and the feeling of emptiness in my heart takes me somewhere else where I'm alone.

I have always been the kind of kid that bad "friends" but never was able to find true ones, and the ones that were, they didn't last forever.

I have had a lot of problems with myself and confidence. I have always had some kind of hatred against myself. Feeling not good enough, that no one loves me. This is why I have never really talked to anyone about my thoughts and feelings. Why would they want to hear about ME? Why should they listen to have I have to say?

When I was little until recently I felt distant with my parents. Not because they were not good with me but because I didn't feel good enough to have them. I didn't want them to know me for the real me because I didn't want them to see what I have inside. It would kill them.

On the last note. I tend to express myself better with writing than speaking. At least with this kind of topics where I can process my thinking well and feel some kind of freedom. I can't tell these kind of things to someone's face. If they want to know what I have to say, I will give them the option to either listen, or not listen. I don't want to force anyone in anything. I put my stuff out there and you can read if you chose to.

New Me

Today my mom told me that I need to start loving myself more. The first time I heard someone tell me that was my first love. Freshman year I dated this girl where she took over my heart. It was a long distance relationship which was very hard. We dated for a year and a half but we both knew that we couldn't do this for at least four years of high school. That's when I decided to break up with her. I wanted her to be happy and to find someone that could love her as much as I did. 

I will never forget the moments we spent together. From the first time we held hands to our first kiss. Her and I were really close and we both told each other's real life stories. I was born in Rumania and was adopted by an Italian couple. 

Although I knew I was loved by this family, I still felt emptiness in my heart. I wanted to know more about my past. Why was I abandoned? I always told myself that I wasn't god enough for anything and that I wouldn't have a future. 

When she heard me say that, she told me that I first need to love myself in order to love others. It totally made sense but for some reason I wasn't able to snap out of it. I kept on telling myself that I wasn't good enough for anything or anyone and that I was a mistake. 

This kept going though out my high school years until my senior year. My photography teacher whom I had a close relationship with and whom actually cared about me, he was able to undo some of the hurt I was feeling inside of me. I was able to express this hurt though photography. It was the only way for me to express my feelings without the feeling of being judged. 

Little by little I was starting to understand myself at a deeper level. Everything changed when one of my ex's had enough of my complaining and told me to suck it up. She was right, I probably should've gone to a specialist, and she was tired of hearing me complain about myself. Thinking about it now, I was being pretty selfish, but I didn't know what was happening at the time.

After that moment I decided to keep everything inside of me thinking that no one really cared and that I was just wasting my time feeling bad for myself.

Going into college I was excited to make new friends and have a whole new experience. It turned out to be the worst thing I could've done in my life. Im the kind of person that forgives people immediately and that has a really long fuse, but going into college I experienced the feeling of truly hating someone. The feeling of being alone and abandoned. I didn't know where else to go so I started smoking weed. Not many people think that weed is bad for you, but I think it has some effects on some people that can be negative. Smoking everynight before going to bed was my only way to fall asleep. After a while I felt like the only company I had was myself. I would literally have conversations with myself. Even though I joined several clubs, I still wasn't able to make one good friend. 

My grades started to fall and so was I mentally. I couldn't handle the fact that I was alone with no one to do anything with. I would sadly eat in my dorm watching some movies while I'd eat lunch or dinner so I wouldn't feel alone. On top of that, on St. Patrick's day I was caught was alcohol in my room. After that event I was put on probation and so was my roommate. I guess my roommate didn't like the fact that we both got written up for the same thing, so he decided to call me out for smoking pot. Now I'm risking expulsion. I gave up on everything, I'm not the kind of person that will torture their body but I would torture my heats and feelings. I started to close myself in and started smoking even more due to the stress and sadness I felt inside of me. 

Today was the day I thought I was gonna be put on the streets. I have lied so many times to my parents and I feel so bad for them. The only thing I can think of now is how much of a failed son I am to them and how much I do not deserve them. I feel like leaving would be a good idea, but then it would leave an empty whole in them. 

I don't know what to do. I pretty much fucked up my life. 

In desperation, my mom and I started to read a book about loving yourself. She told me the exact same things my first girlfriend told me. I needed to love myself before loving others, and by doing so I will find meaning in my life.

Right now my life depends on them. I know I wouldn't do something stupid, but I would slowly lose myself and slowly fall into a pit where I won't be able to get out.

I used to think that love doesn't exist in our society and that true love is dead, but I see it every day between my parents and I. 

I never felt worthy of it but they have never given up on me. Even when I gave up on myself, they didn't. 

It is so hard to move on with life when things like this happen to you. I know it will be a long process of remaking a trust bond between them and I, but I know we will get past this as well. 

I will become a better person, and I will succeed in life!

Till next time folks!

Leaving the states

Ok, I guess I can't make entries on a daily basis. I've been so busy with finals that's it's taken over my free time. 

But in other cases, I've come to a realization that college might not be the thing for me. Coming into college I was excited to make new friends and being able to have a new adventure. It turned out that the people I thought were my friends, turned their backs on me. 

The first thing I noticed coming into the States at a social point is that people tend to make friend groups, and if you were part of it when it first started, it's hard to get in it. 
In Europe people tend to be more open to new people and are willing to let them be part of their group. I have family in Italy and we always go back for the long breaks to visit. Every time I go back I manage to meet new people and become part of their group. 

The difference between American and Italian "groups" is that Italians don't consider their friends as a "group". We tend to be open to different people from different cultures and backgrounds. 

This phenomenon in this society has greatly influenced my life and I've concluded that maybe this is not where I belong. Now don't get me wrong, I loved living in the States. There are so many things that have amazed me that Europe couldn't have gotten close to. There are so many things that I've learned here, and I'm one hundred percent thankful for the stay I had. 

I miss my culture and most importantly my family. During my stay here in the States my family lost two loved ones. I only wish I would've spent more time with them and cherish the last moments.
I lost two of my grandparents, both from my dad's side. My family went though a storm of problems following their death and my parents and I couldn't do much to help.
I wish to be able to enjoy the last moments with my mom's side parents. I have a really close relationship with them especially my grandpa. I look up to him and he has inspired me in so many ways. 

This summer I will be going back to Switzerland and stay with a family. I will be volunteering at the United Nations for the third world countries's education. I am really looking forward to be working for them and maybe be able to make a change in the world. I was really lucky to find the person who is the founder of that charity. He doesn't take anyone, he makes really specific selections to whom is going to be helping him. He chose me because my family and him have a strong friendship and because I speak three different languages that needed. 

I hope that I may be able to work for the UN in the long run. If I do well this summer maybe I can get an internship and perhaps find a job! 

Wish me luck!

Peace.

my grandpa

I would like to talk about my grandpa who is a huge inspiration in my life and that even if he would sometimes try to teach me something that i thought was boring, but even then i still appreciated for the effort he made trying to tech me things. Now i can also appreciate what he actually has taught me and what he still teaches me. I got to know him so much more about him after stories and stories about his childhood and adulthood till now i now understand why he thinks he way he does and why he does things in certain ways. 

My grandpa stopped going to church after there were some changes being made in it. He felt really let down and lost hope. Recently I got a letter from him telling me about some stories he had with me and some life changes i have made in him. He wrote to me that when i was a kid i was very sensitive and felt like may parents pushed me too hard. He saw my suffering and one day he went inside a church and prayed to Mary asking he to give me healing and patience wit my parents. When I read his letter teas stated falling off my cheeks. 

I didn't think I would have such a huge impact in someone's life. After that day when he made a prayer, he made an allegiance to start going back to church again. 

No one knows why he came back except him and I. This is why I love my relationship with him. He is such an understanding human being and who has gone through many emotions he has gone through. During my senior year in high school I took AP photography and I was really passionate about it. I made a portfolio that expresses the feeling of loneliness though misunderstanding, and my grandpa saw it right away without even knowing what I photographed about!

His sensitivity to things is so genuine that expresses his past experiences. I find those so inspiring because even though the years appart between us we still had a similar way of living life and on seeing things.

My grandpa is one of the most influential person in my life and I wouldn't trade him for anyone else!

See you guys next time!

What's on my mind

What's up guys, its been a while since I last blogger. The only reason why I used this website to blog, was so I could complete my assignments for a class where I had to do research on a subject. For everything that I found I was supposed to put make a blog off of it.

The research paper that was also a presentation. The research I made was about Dogs and how intelligent they really are. I really liked the way it turned out and how happy my teacher was. After seeing it again after two years, I was still able to enjoy it and see it at a different point of view.

The reason why I'm back here is because I feel like with my writing ill be able to express my thoughts and ideas. (I know I'm not the best writer and this is also another reason to why I'm here. Please forgive me if I make some obvious mistakes that I might not see.) I've been told by many people that I have a really unique way of seeing things and that I'm good a problem solving. I thought I'd be able to share some of my ideas and perhaps open some people's eyes over some things they didn't know.

Now, I'm not sure where to start so I'll just type whatever goes through my mind. Well the first thing is that I'm not going to formally present myself to you. I want you guys to know me by my actions and thoughts, so you can make an image of me instead of me giving you one. I think sometimes doing this hints some expectations from the other person, and if that happened then people tend to see your mistakes rather more quickly than some who's trying to make an image of you from scratch.
I absolutely don't know whether this is true or not but this is what I will be doing with my blogs.

I will see if I can blog on a daily basis, although some days my blogs will be either really short or sometimes really long. Hopefully I'll be able to stay consistent and make good sized blogs that will satisfy everyone.

See you Tomorrow!